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I C U

I see you looking at me 

I know you wonder how perfect my life is

How you wish you had a minute of my existance

How you would glide on the nineth cloud may be higher

I see you look at me 

But I wish to tell you that I also wonder how i have survived this  intensive care unit I call existance

I have also wondered how breath has clung to this bones

I wonder how I made it to twenty two

When every minute of that breath I feelt like a stranger to my self

Always feeling like running a way from my body 

Lost in my own skin

Scared like a mouse but I had to keep a brave face

I wish to tell you I understand the feeling of terror in the face of conversations

I am very familiar to the long the heart to stop beating

I am well vast with the feeling of the thread of judgy gods holding a soul to life

And insufficient conviction of afterlife pursuading the mind to hold on a little longer

All in all, I have been on delicate life support of a whimsical desire to succeed

And the need to help someone cross this dark scary valley

All in all

All is vanity

But One thing; The Love of people who care for me

It is worth holding on for, it is worth living for

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